Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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