garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
