I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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