Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
