oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
