god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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