I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
