How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
