I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
