It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
