How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The ass gains better be worth it
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