I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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