i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
