see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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