I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
