life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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