I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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