I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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