I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
