just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
