She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
