Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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