2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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