my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
