oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
