come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
