do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
