I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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