Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
