I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my being single is dangerous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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