Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
