Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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