That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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