i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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