that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
