I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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