how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
