i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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