from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
