So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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