did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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