So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
