Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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