i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
