Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
