Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Less talking, more tequila
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
