hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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