she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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