Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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