My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
