Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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