My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
