Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
