we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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