i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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