I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
