dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
