Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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