i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
