Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
