I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
