my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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