____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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