I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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