I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize