Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
