i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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