You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
