just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
People in love make me want to vomit
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
