I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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