So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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