So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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