The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
