You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
