He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
third nipple confirmed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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