When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
