Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
