Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
