Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
two words...techno handjob
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
